Book
It was December 2019. I was working 60-hour weeks at a digital firm, traveling a ton for work, all while trying to raise two little girls under age two. After a stressful day of managing clients and the marathon of bedtime, this conversation ensued:
Me: “I’m in the wrong movie.”
Husband (half paying attention): “Huh?”
Me: “This is not my movie. I’m not supposed to work 9-5 the next 20 years of my life while hating every second of it and never seeing my kids. This is not my story. This is not how it’s supposed to go.”
Husband (nonchalantly shrugs): “So, write a different one.”
And so, I did.
That year I had moved back to Ohio from Los Angeles after suffering postpartum depression. I felt like I was drowning and knew the move closer to family would be best for me personally and for the family, but professionally – not so much.
I had worked as a TV producer for the last decade at E! Entertainment for shows like Live! From the Red Carpet and Fashion Police with Joan Rivers. But after having kids, I quickly realized the only career I had ever known, the one where I slept at the office the night of award shows, no longer worked with my new life with kids. A stable, corporate 9-5 with full health benefits and a 401k – that’s exactly what I needed.
So, after the move to Ohio, I found exactly that. By every standard I should have been pleased, good pay and stability. But I was miserable. I felt like I was selling my soul to the corporate devil. My friends asked if I was still writing and producing. They said they missed my voice. My response was always the same-- “I didn’t have the time.”
But after this conversation with my husband, I decided that in 2020, I was going to make the time. (Little did I know all that 2020 had in store.)
And so began my 5am wakeup calls to read inspirational books, take Masterclasses with Sara Blakely, and get my creative mojo back before the girls woke up. Finally, I had a spark. I stayed up until 4am writing a lift-the-flap board book for moms about the beautiful mess that is motherhood inspired by the very identity crisis I suffered myself.
I sent it to my screenwriting mentor in L.A. at 4am and woke up to her response, “This is brilliant. You’re going to sell this. Let’s get to work.”
I finished the manuscript on President’s Day of 2020. The world shut down a week later. I then fell down the stairs on Easter and broke my shoulder. Now I was left-handed, in a lockdown with two toddlers, trying to work the 9-5, and get this book published. The universe was straight up saying, “How bad do you want this?” I kept pushing through because, yes Universe, I did want to change my world that badly.
I’m happy to say now in 2022, three years after that conversation, my book Where’d I Go? A Lift-The-Flap Book For Moms will be hitting shelves on May 24th and a portion of the proceeds will benefit Mental Health America in order to help those dealing with PPD like I did.
And since life has decided to be very “on-brand” with the book, I am now pregnant with my third child. The life surprise has made me choose between the corporate job and writing. I was operating at 25% of a human, so nauseous and miserable, I knew I could no longer do it all.
And just as my first two were the inspiration behind the book, this third one helped me make the decision to write full-time an easy one.
Because after all, if you want to change your movie, then you have to write your own story.
Head here for info on where you can purchase Where’d I Go? which hits shelves June 7th!